Thanks for the zombies, Jesus!
Me: Oh my God, did you see the name of that cemetery? “Resurrection Cemetery”. What a terrible name for a cemetery.
Victor: It’s because they believe in the resurrection of believers, dumbass.
Me: Still. Some things just shouldn’t be resurrected. Just what we need is a bunch of damn zombies wandering the earth.
Victor: Yeah, that’s not “resurrection”. That’s “reanimation”.
Me: Same difference. Although I guess “Reanimation Cemetery” would be slightly more disturbing.
Victor: It’s not the same difference. Zombies are reanimated, but they don’t have their previous mental capacity so it’s not a resurrection. Technically it’s “zombification”.
Me: Well if you want to get all technical, then how about vampires?
Victor: Um…they’re fine?
Me: No. I mean, vampires have their “previous mental capacity”, thus by your logic they are resurrected. They might as well name it “Jesus-Is-Bringing-Back-Vampires Cemetery”.
Victor: It’s not the same thing because when you resurrect someone from the grave they aren’t undead.
Me: No, they are TOTALLY undead. That’s like the very definition of the undead.
Victor: No. A vampire is undead. The resurrected aren’t undead.
Me: I think you don’t know what “undead” means.
Victor: I THINK YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT UNDEAD MEANS!
Me: God, calm down, Darwin. Don’t get all crazy just ’cause I threw a vampire monkey-wrench in your faulty zombie logic.
Victor: *sigh* Look, there are all sorts of exceptions you aren’t considering. You can reanimate someone without making them a “zombie”. For example, you can just bring them back simply to perform a task.
Me. Yeah. And that’s called a zombie.
Victor: No, because they wouldn’t crave brains. They’d just have a job to do. Look it up.
Me: Oh I will look it up. I’ll look it up in “The Dictionary Of Shit That Doesn’t Exist”.
Victor: *glower*
Me: I wonder if this is the weirdest fight we’ve ever had.
Victor: Not even close.
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